I need an island

(also the title of a great Heather Nova song, by the way.)

Have you been out in public lately? If not, let me tell you, it may be time to get your own private island and severely limit contact with the human race - if you can even call what I've encounter lately human.

Yesterday, I went to Harris Teeter (yes, I'm naming names) to pick up some items we need that happened to be on sale. Armed with the circular, I made the rounds. One particular item was nowhere to be found. I inquired at the meat counter. It turns out they didn't order that item this week. Do they not read their own circular? Then, I check out, pay and am informed that I qualify for a free sub at the deli. Super. Jim and I often get subs here because its a good, cheap lunch. I get my sub and take it to customer service so they don't think I'm just walking out with unpaid merchandise. The woman says if she scans the sticker on the package, it will charge me. Apparently, I can only get a free sub if it's a full-sized sub, not half sub (which is all I wanted anyway). So she leaves me waiting with a baby who's starting the launch sequence for meltdown, goes to the deli and gets the correct sticker to scan. And, God forbid, I should get anything for free. She scans the sticker and asks for forty cents in taxes.

Today, it got worse. At Kroger, I usually go through the self-checkout if my friend isn't working the register. I'd rather deal with a computer than a cashier I don't know. I press the touch screen, type in my phone number to activate my Kroger card and it asks me to wait for the cashier. Now, the cashier is standing at her post smacking her lips and stuffing her face, not paying attention to me at all. I have no way of knowing if she's done what I'm waiting for her to do. Then the touch screen blanks out and starts over. Now I'm confused. Do I need to type in my phone number again? Or do I just start scanning my items? I didn't want to leave the cart because my son was in the carriage. So I proceeded to speak to the woman from where I was standing, maybe less than 10 feet away. She finally responds by yelling to me, with her mouth full, "Just scan your first item." I pretty much snapped. I abandoned my cart full of groceries and just left.

You think I'm kidding, but an island in Canada is starting to sound really good right now. I even found a place to browse for my island. Check it out.