Overheard

This is the first time in a year that I have been completely alone for more than an hour.Owen is spending his first morning at Parent's Morning Out. I had eight weeks of Friday morning freedom between the time Fiona started PMO after her first birthday and the time Owen was born. It's a strange feeling.

I keep watching the clock and thinking that I have to go wake him from his nap to pick up the kids.

And I loaded the dishwasher without Owen trying to climb into it. I still loaded it at break neck speed like I always do to get the dishes in before the boy climbs in.



I actually went grocery shopping alone. Who knew what a pleasure that would be? I didn't even need a list (because, Lord knows, I can't remember anything when the kids are around). And even if I'd had one, there was no one there to wrestle it from my hands and chew on it.

And, now, for my final trick, I'm going to leave the house with just my purse, buckle only myself in and drive away ... all within five minutes.

 ***

Do you want sausage, Danny?
Just one, I don't want to get fat. We've been having discussions about serving sizes.

What's the matter, Danny? He ran in the house screaming.
DON'T TALK TO ME. I'M GOING TO THE COUCH. And he dove head first into the corner of the couch. That must have been some bee up his bonnet.


I'm in charge here, Fiona, Danny says. He was having an Alexander Haig moment.

Nigel, Bob, I need to talk to you, Danny tells the dogs as they are wrestling in the yard. Bossy first born, isn't he?

I need to talk to you, Nigel. That's not the pee pee tree, he tells my sister's dog who just peed on an apparently unapproved spot.

I want a snack, Danny says, pointing to the candy at the register in Home Depot.
That's not real food, I tell him. (My father used to tell me this all the time.)
Yes, it is. 
Oh, yeah? What animal or plant does that food come from?
Bears. Indeed, there was a bag of gummy bears there.

Let's play Simon Says. 
NO, let's play Charlie Says. Charlie is his cousin. So is Simon.


Oh, there's something on my toe, Danny says. He puts his toe in his mouth. It's frosting, he declares. Gross. Just gross.

I put my underpants on in the dark every day and I get them on the right way, Jim brags. Danny frequently gets his underwear on inside out and backwards. 

Have a great weekend.