The mothering is the mission

I read something today that infuriated me. And I had to stop and wonder why. Then I began writing in my head and had a very strong urge and some downtime today to actually write at the computer. I've long thought that I just shouldn't write exactly what I think when I'm angry. Too often, I practice restraint of tongue and pen to a fault.

I'm trying something different today. 

I read a piece titled "Myopically Mothering My Own as Mission?" Now, I feel like this author could be a very nice woman. And what she says has some merit. However, the very headline sparked a hot flame of anger as I quickly realized that this was to be yet another criticism of mothers. But this time couched in how God wants you to mother your children.

Oh boy.

She writes that whether or not mothering our children is “missional” depends on how we’re defining it. To her, "missional" means getting outside of ourselves to move toward others. She described her own privileged family and others like it as a private insular existence that is apparently at odds with that definition.

I disagree with her. A lot.

I think that being a mother is a very special mission. All of it. The 3 a.m. feedings, the cleaning of messes, the wiping of noses, tears and bottoms. And I think that this private insular existence is God's original classroom design whereby children are taught in the most secure, stable and loving environment how to treat others. God gave me a very specific job to do right now. It happens to involve being near constantly available to three small children. It is a mission of self-forgetting. Our children are others and they exist to make my husband and I more tolerant, compassionate people. And the ripple effect that all of this has cannot be underestimated or downplayed.

This so-called myopic work is not keeping me from doing God's work. It is God's work. If you want to get all scriptural about it, there is just as much a mandate for parental responsibilities as there is to care for, advocate for and love the poor, powerless, sick and your enemies. And, as a parent, I will tell you that your children will be all of these things on any given day.

She doesn't elaborate on what exactly she believes is wrong with how some women mother their children and live their Christian lives. She does, however, give a few examples of mothers who are doing what she believes is missional work. A few women are teaching their children ways to change the world, one woman through a global campaign to help the poor. All these things are noble and can make you feel really good about what you're doing for God's kingdom on earth.

Honestly, though, at this stage of my life, so-called mission work winds up being just another thing to feel guilty about not doing. And, frankly, I'm exhausted. It is more than a little insulting to be told that being absorbed with caring for my own young children in a very needy stage of their lives is myopic.

They are no less deserving of love, compassion and resources than any other child of God. Yes, we are more privileged than some. Yes, we are grateful. Yes, we share what we have materially. But more importantly we share what we have spiritually in the acts of kindness and compassion and patience and tolerance that are much, much harder to give routinely than time and energy and material wealth that we give to strangers.

My mother refused to get over involved in church programs when we were growing up. Doing anything at the expense of our family's sacred space was out of the question. She knew, as I do know, that the most important work she did for God at that stage of her life was for her family.

You could almost bet on the bad behavior and popularity of my peers based on how often their families were at the church. There really is a reason for the preacher's kid stereotype. As a friend of mine told me over and over again, if you're not making it at home, you're not making it.

It's easy and more immediately gratifying to give your time, energy and money to an organized cause. It is much harder to continue to give those same things to children when the fruits of that labor are slow in coming.

It is easy to feel compassion for those who are sick or poor. It's difficult to practice compassion with a 2-year-old hellbent on puncturing your eardrums with her shrieks.

It is easy to donate and deliver items to the poor. It is much harder to share your breakfast morning after morning with the children when all you want is something, anything, to yourself.  

By focusing inward and upward, I see more clearly what God's will for me is. As a Christian, my commitment is to make his will my mission. Right now, that mission is reflected in the six little eyes that stare back at me from the breakfast table every morning.