Tuesday, August 16, 2011

My kids are weirdos

Why? you ask. Read on.

1. They scream when I turn on the vacuum cleaner. Yes, I know. Most kids hate vacuum cleaners. It's not a scream of terror, though. It's playful screaming laughter. It's almost as if they are delighted that something is louder than them and they are determined to have a loud-off with it. It's some kind of bizarre competition.

2. They have a similar reaction to thunder. Kids are supposed to be scared of thunder, right? Not my kids. They scream back at it.

3. We love to do puzzles with the kids. We often find large floor puzzles at the thrift shop for a buck or so. When we're done putting the puzzles together, we stand back and admire our work. And then they jump on it as if it were a trampoline. Every time.

4. My one-year-old's favorite thing on the planet right now is toilet paper. He has a Pavlovian response when he hears the bathroom door open. He shrieks and bolts down the hall. He will knock his sister over and bully his way into the bathroom, usually while I'm in there, to get a few squares of toilet paper. I can barely hold him back. Then he will do one of three things: put it in his mouth, wipe the floor with it or put it in the toilet.

5. My one-year-old also headbutts himself in the mirror. Repeatedly. And laughs hysterically each time.

6. My daughter invites people to come see her poop as if she has just downloaded rubies and pearls into the toilet. She also suspects that her brother Owen's poop is something to behold. Whenever it's time for a diaper change, she follows us upstairs, gets her little stool and watches the whole process, asking to see Owen's poop.

7. Whenever my four-year-old son trips on, steps on or bumps into anything, he insists that we must get rid of the offending object. Bumped into the cabinet door? It's got to go. Trip over a rug? Let's get rid of it. Step on toy? Get rid of it. Run into the wall? Get rid of the whole house. (I'm not even kidding. He has informed us that we have to get rid of our house.)  

8. My older son uses his pillow case as a sleeping bag. I'm still trying to decide if this is ingenious or just weird.

That is all.

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