Saturday, February 12, 2011

Signs that you're on a date with the mother of your children

She has showered, washed her hair and brushed her teeth for the first time in three days and she lets you know it. This would be considered too much information on a real date.

She calls home at least once to make sure the kids haven't tied up the baby sitter and that the baby isn't crying uncontrollably.

She eats too fast and gets heartburn immediately because she can't shake the feeling that someone will start crying or need something at any second.

She rifles through her purse to find the "coupon" for dinner and a diaper, a baby sock and 15 receipts spill out onto the table.

She asks you if you recall whether one of the children pooped that day. You then engage in a 5 minute conversation about the consistency and frequency of the children's waste products and, based upon this knowledge, which foods you should start restricting.

She excuses herself from the table to "go potty." She takes her time. It's not every day she gets to go potty alone or without someone banging on the door.

She is wearing maternity pants because they are the nicest pair of pants she owns that actually fit her.

She yawns. A lot.

You sit side by side in utter silence sipping coffee and reading magazines at a bookstore because you relish the quiet and the abundance of magazines that haven't been mauled by children.

And ...

Even though you both need a break from the kids, most of your sentences start with "Do you know what she did the other day ... " Because, really, when it comes right down to it, the kids are the most interesting and rewarding part of your life.

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