Thursday, October 28, 2010


Up until this week we got a different answer every time we asked Danny what he wanted to be for Halloween. Now we're on the hook for a helicopter pilot costume. Dear God, help us.

My husband is, at this very hour, trying to outfit our double stroller as a helicopter for Danny, who insists on being a helicopter pilot for Halloween. We're slowly working out the details of the rest of the costume. (Have I ever mentioned how much I despise Halloween? Well, except for the big bag of candy that we buy two weeks before Halloween that almost never makes it to the trick or treaters.)

Halloween 2009
Fiona is easier. She doesn't have a preference and the biggest challenge will be getting her to keep on the hat that I sewed a yarn wig into. She'll be in a raggedy ann costume made up of an outfit I already had. Owen will be a skunk (thanks to my neighbor Justine for handing this one down to me). Jim thinks I should be the cat that Pepe Le Pew pined after. How appropriate ... lately dear Owen can't get enough of mommy. He actually tries to crawl after me as I leave the room and whines every time he sees me. (It's just so charming.) And Jim, of course, will don the now-infamous mullet wig (and I'll pretend I don't know who he is).

And without further ado, here are this week's top overheard remarks ...

Noooooo, Fiona yells. And it's not the sweet, soft "No" with a cute head tilt that we used to get.

Why are you doing that to the stump, Daddy?
I'm cutting it down, Danny. It's in the way of progress here and that darn Lorax keeps popping out of it, Jim replies.

NOOOOOOOO. Dear Lord child, you just woke up. What could possibly be wrong?

Why are you doing that, Daddy? Danny asks (again) as Jim hacks away at the tree stump with an axe.
We need more sneeds, he says.
We love The Lorax around here. If you've never read it, you really must. The book pretty much sums up our attitude about our consumerist society and its effect on the environment. (Hint: We most often come down on the side of the Lorax even though we're hacking up tree stumps.)

Jim, you spend more time on grooming than I do.
Hey, I work with people.
So do I.
Yeah, but they don't care how you smell 'cause they smell worse. 
Is this supposed to make feel better about smelling like sour milk and sweat? It doesn't.

No. Noooo. No. Noooo. Did I mention Fiona says this A LOT?

I need a nap, Daddy says as he's driving the kids.
Take a nap while you're driving. That's a good idea, Danny says.


Jim, just stop talking to her, I say, after realizing that Fiona says "No" every time you speak to her.

Noooooo. No. NOOOOOOOOOOO. (My ears are bleeding.)

I can't do it. I don't pee on wheels, Danny explains to Nana, who tried to get him to pee beside the car while waiting for the fireworks to start last weekend.

Sorry, Fiona says about 50 times a day whether she's done anything worth apologizing for or not. Oddly, she never says this after screaming "No" in my poor bleeding ears.

My penis is a squirt bottle, Danny says. Oh dear. At least he's not running around "shooting" with it anymore.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. (I think my head just exploded.)

Look, mom, it's the po-po, Danny says whenever he sees a police car lately. (Thanks, Jim. Now our kid talks like a gangster.)

Have a fun weekend. Try not to eat all the Halloween candy before Sunday.


Gretchen said...

Hi, I'm friends with Jackie. I'm so glad she posted this particular blog post on her FB today. It's hilarious! Maybe not for you, but for me, the reader, it was absolutely fantastic!
I have a 3 y/o that has used his "naked part" as a gun, a pull toy, a weapon and other assorted things, so the part about the squirt gun was great!
I am also bbsitting a 19 month old full time and she has a fascination with the words no and why. After a 9 hour day I feel like my ears will bleed! LOL! Luckily she's super cute!
Your blog is great and I've become a follower! (sounds kind of creepy when I put it that way.):)

Josee said...

Hi Gretchen! I feel like I know you, actually. Jax tells me about all her Oki buddies and I'm pretty sure she's mentioned a 3 year old boy! They're something, aren't they?