Thursday, March 14, 2013


The Kindergarten Follies edition

Danny has had an interesting couple of weeks at school. We get a report every day. Smileys. Frownies. Straight faces. Color commentary such as the following:

1. Had to warn him twice. Wouldn't stop sniffing children.

Danny, why were you sniffing kids?
I wanted to know what they smelled like. 

2. Pulled pants down and showed girls his bottom.

Did you talk to him about it? I asked Jim. 
I told him the same thing my assistant principal told me in kindergarten when I pulled my pants down in the library. 

Um, excuse me? This information should really have been disclosed before we had children, dear.

Jim asked him, Would you do that in church?
Would you do that in the grocery store?
Then don't do it in school.

3. Drew freckles on his face.

You have freckles, Danny. Why did you draw freckles on your face?
Because Brandon did it.
Well, why did Brandon do it?
Because he doesn't have freckles.
So if Brandon jumped off a bridge, would you?
Oh. Why not?
Because it's dangerous. 
He was silent for a moment and then said: 
But we can do it spring. That's how we cool off. 

So, basically he would jump off a bridge, but only in the springtime. Lovely.

4. Rang the magic bell. Wanted kids to look at him.

Now, the magic bell belongs to the teacher. She rings it. The kids are supposed to stop what they are doing and look at her. When I've been in the classroom and she's rung the bell, Danny freezes and looks. If I'm not doing the same, I get scolded. By a six year old.

Moooooom. You just have to look, he whispers.

A few from the awwwww file:

Want to listen to Jack Brown, Owen says. I had just turned on Pandora. He knows that mommy loves her Jackson Brown!

Want two more [carrots], Owen asks.
For you?
For brother and sister. And this is why I will hurt those two if they are mean to him.

Ow. My back, I say.
I'll go get backscratcher, Owen says. He is so sweet. He also goes and gets ice packs from the freezer whenever anyone gets hurt. It's hard to believe he's the same child who runs up to his siblings and just punches them. (I'm just waiting for him to get them an ice pack after he punches them.)

As for Fiona, she's still with us. She whines so darn much lately that I have NO IDEA what she is saying half the time. All mothers need a whine translator.

Till next time.

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