Overheard

It's Friday night and we just put the kids to bed. They were outside until dusk, digging in the parts of the garden I haven't yet seeded. It seems we skipped right over spring and went straight to summer. I'm putting seeds in ground and even pulled up my very first asparagus spear this evening. I'm thinking about putting some tomato plants out now. Maybe we can have two tomato seasons. The herbs are coming back: sage, lavender, dill and chives. Some herbs stayed all winter: rosemary, oregano and parsley. In fact, the kids constantly eat the parsley. Bits of dried up parsley tumble out of their pockets while I'm folding laundry.

Ah, laundry. That reminds me -- I've taught the older two how to fold their own clothes and they were fighting me over pieces of clothes. God forbid I should fold one of their articles of clothing. (Those of you with teenagers will tell me not to get used to this. I know, I know.) Danny followed my folding instructions exactly. Fiona did her own thing, but got the job done. Lately, they've all been doing a fantastic job with chores. After breakfast, Fiona and Owen help me unload the dishwasher. Danny has decided he doesn't like doing that job because he gets wet. So I send him out to take the compost to the bin and feed the dog. It gets him out of the way so Fiona and Owen can work together. I'm finding that Owen and Fiona make a better team than Danny and Fiona. Danny needs his own space and activities now. He's playing soccer now and I've taken him out of PMO. He just was getting bored there and causing trouble.

Fiona is obsessed with the word poop and the fact that she used to poop on the floor.

I was a baby and I pooped on the floor, she laughs. I am still not laughing about this.

I poop bumblebees, Fiona says. Poop is her favorite word right now.
What? Jim says.
I poop bumblebees, she repeats.
Oh yeah? Well, I put bumblebees for breakfast.
I poop bumblebees for breakfast like you. Not to be outdone.

Owen now echoes the most prominent word in every sentence I utter. One day, I gave the older two the standard pre-nap instructions.

Stay in your rooms and be quiet while I put your brother down for a nap. Do you understand me? 
Understand, Owen repeats with a nod of his head. He's like my assistant now.

Cookie monster doesn't have a mom, Danny concludes.
Why do you say that?
Because he can make crumbs on the floor when he eats.

I'm going to climb that, Fiona says pointing to a picture of Mt. Everest. And I don't need any help. I don't need a ladder.

Where are your back eyes? Danny asks as he sifts through my hair. I'd been telling him for years that I had eyes in the back of my head. I finally had to come clean about this one.

Mommy, nana doesn't have a penis but Danny does have a penis. I don't have a penis, Fiona says. She does a daily inventory of body parts. 
Hey, Fiona where does your pee come out then?
On the inside, she replies.

No, no, no, don't put dog food in the water bowl, I tell Fiona. 
I'm making cereal for her. Of course you are.

Mom, I need you to flat out my sheet, Danny calls down just after I parked my bum on the sofa.
(Sigh.) There's another adult who is already upstairs and is still awake.
Silence.
Who? (REALLY??)
Your father.

Hold on, hon. I just need to send this email and then I'll help you. 
Is [the email] going into the clouds now? 

Danny did it. This is Owen's favorite thing to say.


Gum, Owen says when he sees the kidney beans for dinner. I gave him a few and he still called it gum. Cool.

Mom, let's sit down and talk, Danny says. So I sit. I know that one day he won't want to sit and talk to me.

Mom said no. She was being naughty, Danny tells his father.
Actually, I was being a good parent by limiting the amount of sugar you eat. [Silence] You can thank me anytime. (Like when you're 10 and don't have any cavities? Yeah, that would be a good time.)

Mom, what happened to my umbilical cord? This was the most random question of the day. 
Well, when you came out of mommy's belly, daddy cut the cord and you started to get food from boobyjuice. 
What did I eat before that?
The nutrients from the food mommy ate went through the umbilical cord into you. 
What did you eat? 
Meat, veggies and cheese and chocolate and ice cream and cottage cheese. (Everything but the kitchen sink, actually!)
Fiona then chimed in and wanted to know about when she was in mommy's belly. Then the two of them wanted to know how they got out of my belly. I truly didn't think the conversation would get there so quickly.

Can I play PBS Kids? Danny asks.
What did your dad say? My husband had the media room turned inside out due to a painting and reorganizing project, so I had no idea whether it was even possible to play on the computer.
I don't know. My brain told me to come ask you. 

I want the pepper, Fiona wails at Owen.
NOOOOOOO, he roared. She actually leaned back. It was like watching a cartoon.

Stop making noise, Owen. 
NOISE. 

Booby. Two of them, Fiona says as she lays her head on my chest. Then she moved her hands down and grabbed my belly fat. More boobies, she declares. Good thing I've been going to the gym.

Enjoy your weekend.